I guess this is another gloomy post, another gloomy post on such a sunny day, but the longest day has past already and the days will shorten towards winter.
I guess I have been getting obsessed with my great unfinished video project again, which I started back in 2002 on the second year of my media studies course.
Just under a year ago, I started a rather different project "Whichever way you look at it, it's still autism" Which after some problems along the way, finally saw production as a DVD.
Mind you I have no evidence of any significant sales yet. I guess it may be too radical for the autism market, stuck as it is with medical models. Certainly the major autism publishing houses turned it down because autism or not it was not in the conventional genre.
"Oustside In" of which only some of the credit is due me, continues to shift though, but I have moved on a long way since then, it was made way back in 2002 as well in the days before I got my current favourite hat.
I don't suppose I will ever get any credit for "Terra Incognita" it is going to be a difficult one to get any interest in, being as it is so eclectic and introspective. Now if I were a ruthless publicist like Andy Warhol, who made rather bad movies on his reputation alone, it might be a different matter.
You see in this world it is not what you are, or what you can do, but who you are and how you are placed.
The world laps up videos by Tony Atwood, and all manner of rubbish turned out by curebies and medical model fetishists, who employ professionals to make second rate videos because the professionals know how to reach the market.
I doubt if I will even get any showings on the independent film making circuit. Again that requires positioning, reputation but above all social nous, to "brown nose" ones way in.
And so I am doomed, to my introspection, to doing things the way I want to, but never earning anything from it, until finally I cross the borders into Terra Incognita, that far country from whose bourne no traveller returns.
Heck everybody and his dog will be making home movies in HDTV before I ever complete this in plain old PAL.