"I don't know why he saved my life. Maybe in those last moments he loved life more than he ever had before. Not just his life - anybody's life; my life. All he'd wanted were the same answers the rest of us want. Where did I come from? Where am I going? How long have I got? All I could do was sit there and watch him die."
Well when faced with uncertain times there is a phrase that carries one through, and that is to live for the day, but what if or when the day does not justify living for? What then?
Unlike Roy Batty, I do not know the number of my days, but I sometimes count them short.
Whatever? Only I have control over the big E button, and when the time comes to press that, no amount of urging by others not to do it, will make any difference because my time will have come.
When all that is valuable in life to you seems threatened, the big E button starts flashing temptingly with it's "push me" signs, "you know you want to"
It's the shadow I walk with, the counterpart to burning brightly.
It's not that I do not feel, it is that I feel too much, the highs are highs, and the lows are abysmal.
Oh well - Time to make myself something to eat - well that is an improvement at least.
I'll tell you this much, whenever you make your life as public as this on the internet you can guarantee there will be as many urging you to push the button as not to. That is the way it is :)
I needed to say that.