Sunday, November 23, 2008

Not a happy bunny tonight.

Well you would think having to abandon my home because of a fire was bad enough.

Well it is not the worst that could happen, no indeed, something worse has happened.

I was getting over it, ready to move back in next week, but I have just received a very disconcerting email.

Trivial for some, but not to me, because my research and hope of making something of myself academically has been the main thing that has been sustaining me through this current bad patch.

Well not any more because Research Autism has turned down my funding application, and frankly I do not see how I can continue without any funding at all.

I guess I ought not to say what I think of them at this current time, anger is never a good basis for a sensible post, but I will have a score to settle, that is for certain, how I go about it with common sense is another matter.

Well I do obsess a little about the significance of dates and numbers, and this is coming up to the tenth anniversary of my most determined desire to kill myself.

I wish I had, because all that the intervening ten years has held out to me is an empty promise.

Terra Incognita, the unknown land, that far country from whose bourne no traveller returns. Well the bourne beckons, and December 25th will be decision day, at least I am staying that long in this world, but really, I am not sure I want to be here next year, because I don't think I am going anywhere but a life of poverty and underachievment.

Did I survive for this? who knows what is written, but running up the down escalator is my progress, not otherwise.

Good job I am not drunk isn't it, but I still do have things to complete never mind how I feel tonight, and perhaps it is that determination that is the only thing that will keep me going.

Gawd, what a whinger, shoot me now eh :)

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

Big trouble in little Coventry

If you follow the link you will see why.

Having limited internet access is what really sucks right now.

Well I am comfortable enough in B & B for now and I have recovered the things that are important to me.

All will be well in the long term, but in the short term, it is difficult for me to maintain my various responsibilities, however it is important to me not to pass my misfortunes on to any one else and let them down with regard to stuff I had arranged to do with them.

Talk about fifteen minutes of fame, our block was headline news taking up two pages in the local paper yesterday.

More to follow when my situation is back to normal, sorry no video of the fire, safety comes first, but I hope to post a video diary or something on youtube :)

I have never looked smarter BTW, had to buy new clothes cos I only had what I stood up in, which smelt like a barbecued kipper.

Anyway my flat is relatively undamaged as I was furthest away from the seat of the fire, but if the fire brigade had not attended so promptly it might have been a different story.

The sh*t comes from dealing with all the bureaucracy you have to go through just to keep any kind of roof over your head.

I am through the worst of it now and have been able to go back and recover some essential items from my flat including my flute, documentation (which you don't even exist without these days) and my precious video hard discs which I was working on when the fire broke out and had to abandon.

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

Coventry Market the Musical

Nothing to do with autism or me even, but this is where I live, and this town has a history.

The building is of course threatened with demolition, never mind it's historical significance, It was designed by Frederick Gibberd and is actually the prototype for Liverpool Catholic Cathedral, in terms of a circular structure with a lantern.

There is something unique about a circular market and I know of no other like it.