Saturday, May 27, 2006

Destructuring nightmare

No this is not another post modernist critique of structuralism, but my imminent fears.

I have just completed seven years of college education, having started part time, and ended part time.

However I realise I am about to lose an important structure in my life, a reason to get up at a particular time in the mornings, and inumerable rituals over when and where I eat.

You might not think that is so bad, but I am looking back as well as forward, to the time in my life after my mum died, and all the structure in my life fell apart.

Unable to find work, when the work as a photographer started tailing off, my life really hit the rocks and that is somewhere I do not want to go again.

You see it is actually hard for me to organise myself without an external structure, and it is my concern that I am going to have to do this as a distance learning student.

Is there anyone to help me, well no I have virtually no support at all at present.

Is that going to destroy me.

Well no, because I am going to find a way.

It is not that I lack things to do, it is more a question of getting them in order so that any one of them gets done at all.

I have lists of course, but I need to keep them up to date.

The other danger is of withdrawing from social contact over time. I have friends, but there is little to persuade me to keep up with them, it is more a case of them continuing to pester me, else the same will happen that happened when I left Uni, I will simply get more and more out of touch.

Well what else is happening in my life.

Plenty, from hospital appointments to the neurodiversity group which I facilitate.

I am concerned right now lest I do not get re-elected onto the board of the NAS, because my business there is certainly not completed.

Life appears to suck at times, when you look around for what you want, what you think you need, and realise it is not going to happen.

It is like that pre mobile phone, and breakdown cover age, when I broke down on my scooter, somewhere close to the borders of Wales.

What could I do, after realising I could not push it all that far over those hills I did the only thing I could, abandoned it and started walking toward any farmhouse in the vicinity.

Well these days I have full breakdown cover and a mobile phone. With my land rover I need them :)

Would that the same were available for the rest of my life.

1 comment:

Anne said...

Yes, I'm looking forward to the day when there will be affordable executive-dysfunction coverage. Hello, could you send someone out right away?