Well you would think having to abandon my home because of a fire was bad enough.
Well it is not the worst that could happen, no indeed, something worse has happened.
I was getting over it, ready to move back in next week, but I have just received a very disconcerting email.
Trivial for some, but not to me, because my research and hope of making something of myself academically has been the main thing that has been sustaining me through this current bad patch.
Well not any more because Research Autism has turned down my funding application, and frankly I do not see how I can continue without any funding at all.
I guess I ought not to say what I think of them at this current time, anger is never a good basis for a sensible post, but I will have a score to settle, that is for certain, how I go about it with common sense is another matter.
Well I do obsess a little about the significance of dates and numbers, and this is coming up to the tenth anniversary of my most determined desire to kill myself.
I wish I had, because all that the intervening ten years has held out to me is an empty promise.
Terra Incognita, the unknown land, that far country from whose bourne no traveller returns. Well the bourne beckons, and December 25th will be decision day, at least I am staying that long in this world, but really, I am not sure I want to be here next year, because I don't think I am going anywhere but a life of poverty and underachievment.
Did I survive for this? who knows what is written, but running up the down escalator is my progress, not otherwise.
Good job I am not drunk isn't it, but I still do have things to complete never mind how I feel tonight, and perhaps it is that determination that is the only thing that will keep me going.
Gawd, what a whinger, shoot me now eh :)